Becoming Brazilian, Even During Surgery

Thursday June 28: This morning I went through the process of getting my wisdom teeth removed. I was at the office at 7:45 and I am already home now at 9:45. I cant walk straight, swallow anything, I cant feel my mouth, and no one can understand what I am saying but for the most part, I am good!

As I was getting prepped for surgery I was explaining to the oral surgeon what I was doing in Brazil next year. He and I started talking about the World Cup and how I want to go back to see it in Brazil. It was in the middle of this conversation that I went under. When I woke up I believe they were still talking about sports and the Olympics because the first thing I asked about was what countries are in the Euro Cup finals. I don’t think they understood much of what I was saying but I was very concerned about the soccer. At least I know where my loyalties lie, even when I am half conscious!

Saturday June 30: I spoke too quickly on Thursday morning when I was speaking about how well I was doing. As I was typing I had to put my computer to go be sick and couldn’t pick my computer back up the rest of the day. Apparently my body didn’t react well to the meds. I learned my lesson about speaking too quickly before truly assessing my situation. I can take this lesson and apply it to my upcoming year abroad. I know that the first span of time in Brazil will be a "honeymoon" phase. I should be keenly aware of this as I arrive and not expect the entirety of my year to look like my first week or two. There will be ups and downs and I should expect hardships. Just as I have felt good at some points and horrible at others during the last couple days, the same will be with my exchange. I must remember that if I tough through the rougher points, I know that better times are to come. 

The not-so-fun Preparations

Getting ready to leave the country for a year can be a blast. There is shopping to do, things to get, and gifts to buy. You have to learn a new language, which is challenging but can be fun, and you also spend time learning about your new culture. Although all these things are fun, there are some downsides to prepping for a year abroad. The biggest downside is probably all the appointments that have to be done before leaving. For me, I have dentist appointments, doctors appointments, eye exams, and every other kind of appointment imaginable. Tomorrow, I have to go and get my wisdom teeth out. They have to come out at some point and it would not be good to be in Brazil next year and have to go into surgery from them causing problems. The process of having the surgery and being drugged up from it will knock out several days of my summer that could be otherwise used for doing things I see as "more important".  Something that may fall in my category of "more important" would be visa paperwork. Visas are an entire pain in themselves. It is not easy to just spend a year in a country. Not in the slightest. The paperwork is long and tedious, requiring many steps and many signatures. I had to request a background check this week and got a call from the Florida Department of Law Enforcement to confirm that I hadn’t been born two days ago. I had to assure them that I am, in fact, 18 and not a two year old infant who has a cell phone and can speak fluid English. With the background check sent off, I have to find a way to get myself and both parents into one place long enough to sign papers in front of a notary (not a simple task might I add). When I finally manage for all the paperwork signed, photographs taken, bank statements confirmed and my certified background check returns , the second round of steps to get my visa will begin. Preparing and planning can be exciting, but sometimes it is just not-so-fun. 

1 year down, 2 left to go

Rotary Youth Exchange is considered a three year program. The first year is the year in which all the planning and preparations are made. Papers are written, language is studied, relationships are formed. The second year is the time in which everyone is on their actual exchange. They are in a foreign country and they are living the life that they spent a year planning for. I am completing my first year and will be moving onto my second before long. This video sums up the first year of my 3 year program.

June Orientation- saying goodbye

Somehow I got here. I don’t know how and I don’t know where the time went. It feels like a month ago I was sitting in my interview, a week ago I was being assigned Brazil and yesterday feels like it was the first orientation. Instead, it was November that I was in my interview, December I sat in that tiny Italian restaurant where I was assigned a country I never even considered living in and it was in January that I went to my first orientation. It was this past weekend at the June Orientation where I had to say goodbye. I had to say goodbye to friends I never even knew half a year ago. I had to say goodbye to friends I have grown so close to that saying goodbye hurts. Saying goodbye hurt more than I could imagine. It is not that I will not see everyone again, because I know in a year we will all be back for a rebound orientation, but it is saying goodbye to all of my American friends.

In January I met a group of highschoolers from all over Florida who were entirely American. I left this orientation where everyone was already assimilating into their new cultures. The differences were beginning to matter between the people going to Japan, Thailand, Germany, Brazil, Austria, and every other country. Each person had begun their journey, and each person had already begun to give pieces of themselves to their new homes. I had to say goodbye to these mostly- Americans knowing that next time we would be together everyone would be different. Everyone will return in a year but everyone will return half American, half another culture entirely. Everyone will still be the same person in essence, but everyone will have changed.

Now I am not saying these changes will be bad. In fact, these changes will be mostly for the good but they are still will alter and form each person I have come to love so dearly. Each person will go through struggles so unique to their own country and culture that it will be impossible to relate. Each person will be so enveloped in a language that they cannot even share jokes because it wouldn’t translate into English. I had to say goodbye to everyone. I had to say goodbye to my American friends and I had to accept the difference that will be coming. Instead of the exchange uniting us, the exchange will also separate us. I had to say goodbye to this stage in my friendships. I had to say goodbye to the first 1/3 of my exchange and I had to move forward.

It is time for me to move forward like the other 70+ students from Florida. I said goodbye to them, and I must say goodbye to part of myself. I must accept the fact that in less than two months I am leaving my home country and my home culture. I will become a world citizen rather than a citizen of the United States of America. I will come back half Brazilian and I must say goodbye to half of my American self. I am choosing to give up a portion of who I am but trading it for a better portion. I have to let go for awhile, but I know that in a years time I will return a better person.

The four D's- Dating

Every Rotary exchange student, especially the ones from Florida could tell you in a heartbeat what the 4 D's stand for. The four D's are the most simplified version of the rules for an exchange student. If a student knows nothing else, knowing the 4 D's will help them to at least get by without getting in trouble during their year abroad. The 4 Ds are Drinking, Driving, Dating, and Drugs. Each D is something the students cannot do on exchange but each can be made more specific.

The D that I immediately came into conflict with when I began the program was dating. At the time that I applied to the program I had a long term boyfriend. My boyfriend and I had been together for several months at that point and were in a stable and healthy relationship. We knew that I would be leaving in the upcoming year to go to college and we saw Brazil as just a different type of leaving. After applying, being accepted and committing to be in the program, we began to realize that spending a year in Brazil is not quite like spending a year in Alabama. The realization that I would not be back for vacations, that I would be speaking a different language, and that I would be trying to immerse myself into an entirely different culture began to make an effect on our considerations about continuing on together for another year. We were willing to make the effort but knew it would be difficult.

With the full knowledge that staying together would be a challenge, I went to the January orientation with the mindset that no matter what I was told, I was committed to staying in my relationship. I was firm in where I stood and I told other exchange students how committed I was to making it work. It was only when I started listening to the advice about dating in the sessions we attended that weekend did I realize what I was getting into. I was told to not skype people in the US more than once a week. I was reminded of all the trips I would be taking where computer access wouldn’t be readily available. I was reminded that the cultural differences from Brazil and America would be a wedge in my relationship, and I was told honestly that my exchange would be more fulfilling if I let go of ties back home.

All of the advice I was given began to settle in. I went home with the advice and began discussing it with my boyfriend and started to question what I wanted to do. One of the future exchange students asked me that week out of curiosity how I planned to continue my relationship. That question is what finally forced me to think about ending the relationship I had been in for 7 months. A week after orientation my boyfriend and I sat down over coffee. We sat and talked like mature adults. We weighed our options and discussed our future. We knew what had to be done and while both of us cared for each other, we knew what the right decision was. We ended our relationship.

The end of our relationship was not sad, it was not angry and it was not hurtful. We made a decision and we stuck to it. Five months later, we are still friends because of it. I do not regret the decision we made and I believe it was for the best. Each of us are now pursuing our dreams and we can maintain a friendship beyond that.

I will not say that the way my boyfriend and I ended our relationship is for everyone, but I believe we made a decision in a way that was the least painful. Going on an exchange is an adventure and sometimes sacrifices must be made to go on it. A language has to be learned, goodbyes have to be said, and sometimes ties have to be severed. It is a part of growing up and moving forward. Now Brazil lies ahead of me, waiting for me with open arms.