The four D's- Dating

Every Rotary exchange student, especially the ones from Florida could tell you in a heartbeat what the 4 D's stand for. The four D's are the most simplified version of the rules for an exchange student. If a student knows nothing else, knowing the 4 D's will help them to at least get by without getting in trouble during their year abroad. The 4 Ds are Drinking, Driving, Dating, and Drugs. Each D is something the students cannot do on exchange but each can be made more specific.

The D that I immediately came into conflict with when I began the program was dating. At the time that I applied to the program I had a long term boyfriend. My boyfriend and I had been together for several months at that point and were in a stable and healthy relationship. We knew that I would be leaving in the upcoming year to go to college and we saw Brazil as just a different type of leaving. After applying, being accepted and committing to be in the program, we began to realize that spending a year in Brazil is not quite like spending a year in Alabama. The realization that I would not be back for vacations, that I would be speaking a different language, and that I would be trying to immerse myself into an entirely different culture began to make an effect on our considerations about continuing on together for another year. We were willing to make the effort but knew it would be difficult.

With the full knowledge that staying together would be a challenge, I went to the January orientation with the mindset that no matter what I was told, I was committed to staying in my relationship. I was firm in where I stood and I told other exchange students how committed I was to making it work. It was only when I started listening to the advice about dating in the sessions we attended that weekend did I realize what I was getting into. I was told to not skype people in the US more than once a week. I was reminded of all the trips I would be taking where computer access wouldn’t be readily available. I was reminded that the cultural differences from Brazil and America would be a wedge in my relationship, and I was told honestly that my exchange would be more fulfilling if I let go of ties back home.

All of the advice I was given began to settle in. I went home with the advice and began discussing it with my boyfriend and started to question what I wanted to do. One of the future exchange students asked me that week out of curiosity how I planned to continue my relationship. That question is what finally forced me to think about ending the relationship I had been in for 7 months. A week after orientation my boyfriend and I sat down over coffee. We sat and talked like mature adults. We weighed our options and discussed our future. We knew what had to be done and while both of us cared for each other, we knew what the right decision was. We ended our relationship.

The end of our relationship was not sad, it was not angry and it was not hurtful. We made a decision and we stuck to it. Five months later, we are still friends because of it. I do not regret the decision we made and I believe it was for the best. Each of us are now pursuing our dreams and we can maintain a friendship beyond that.

I will not say that the way my boyfriend and I ended our relationship is for everyone, but I believe we made a decision in a way that was the least painful. Going on an exchange is an adventure and sometimes sacrifices must be made to go on it. A language has to be learned, goodbyes have to be said, and sometimes ties have to be severed. It is a part of growing up and moving forward. Now Brazil lies ahead of me, waiting for me with open arms.